For some reason I have a really difficult time finding interesting people to follow on Twitter. There is a lot of useless noise out there, but every once in a while a magnetic persona shines through. Here are a few people that keep me coming back to Twitter like Adam Sandler to bad movies.
Laura Watkins – @OneHelluvaDame
Laura is one of the funniest people I know. Her tweets are often raunchy but good-natured. She usually talks about her tiresome jobs, peculiar boyfriends, and sweatpants.
My grandma once raised money for a poor family to buy Christmas presents. They bought a monkey. I probably think about this every week.
— Laura Watkins (@OneHelluvaDame) March 2, 2013
If you're a Zumba instructor and they find out you don't have an ankle tattoo, do you get fired?
— Laura Watkins (@OneHelluvaDame) August 17, 2012
Neighbors fighting. "I wouldn't do that to you!" the husband yells. Girl, he was wearing an Ed Hardy knockoff tee. He would do that to you.
— Laura Watkins (@OneHelluvaDame) April 11, 2013
anti joke apple – @antijokeapple
I’m pretty sure “anti joke apple” is a teenage boy who is trying to make money from a website by spamming Twitter with clickbait, but when he’s just cracking jokes it’s some of the funniest stuff out there.
*Kanye West replaces Zayn in 1Direction* *Kicks everyone else in the band out* "Theres only room for 1 direction fam" he says "its west"
— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) March 26, 2015
I've gotten out of bed 365 days a year for over 16 years that's over 5800 sit-ups and not one ab to show for it
— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) March 22, 2015
It's always so sad when you see somebody eating alone pic.twitter.com/QEEH2v9n9X
— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) February 7, 2015
Jenny Slate – @jennyslate
Best known for being fired from SNL, Marcel the Shell With Shoes On, and a really great film about abortion called Obvious Child, Jenny is prolific on Twitter. I think about half of her tweets are posted while high and therefore sometimes don’t make any sense but she reminds me of being silly with my sisters when I was a kid and that’s just good fun.
Girl on the plane just said "I feel like I forgot something important"& it took all my strength not to slyly say "KEVIN."
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) March 18, 2015
Cant help feeling Judd Nelson is cheering 4himself at end of the bfast club bc he successfully played a highschooler while looking 45yrs old
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) August 4, 2014
Did Michael Jackson know how to drive a car
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 17, 2014
Nina Bargiel – @slackmistress
She’s a blogger, a TV writer, politically minded, and she can take it and dish it back. Don’t hold it against her that she writes some of the childrens television that you can’t stand to watch. She knows. She knows.
I thought Fargo was great but it's made even better if you imagine Bob Odenkirk's Police Chief as Saul in witness protection.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) June 19, 2014
If babies are the greatest gift of all, why are they so difficult to wrap?
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) December 19, 2014
If I've learned anything from Twitter, women should NEVER be judged by their sexual histories unless you're Kim Kardashian. Then LOL SLUT.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) March 22, 2014
Medieval Reactions – @MedievalReacts
Take medieval paintings and apply modern lolz. Great concept, well executed. Made even more amusing by being written in UK English.
When the squad's tune comes on in the club pic.twitter.com/rpZeNIiYG6
— Medieval Reactions (@MedievalReacts) March 19, 2015
When your baby comes out looking like they got three kids and a mortgage pic.twitter.com/bkRG5y8yWj
— Medieval Reactions (@MedievalReacts) March 21, 2015
When your life's falling apart but you gotta smile through the pain like pic.twitter.com/uN0R3PqwAY
— Medieval Reactions (@MedievalReacts) March 16, 2015
Kelly Oxford – @kellyoxford
Mom, author, cheekbones. I’m at the end of the list. Cut me some slack.
Everyone crying at that puppy/horse commercial?? That's what PMS feels like.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) February 3, 2014
I left a cookie in my motherfucking desk and it's gone. Putting my Jessica Fletcher glasses on. pic.twitter.com/gfQxbvH8fU
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 21, 2014
Last year I told my 5yr old there was a skeleton inside of her and made her cry.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) January 31, 2014
That’s it for now. Who do you follow? FOLLOW ME.