My girlfriend Erin loves Assassin’s Creed. I don’t know why – it looks really repetitive to me – so I’ll write a play-by-play in the hopes that I’ll understand it better and it will bring us closer together. Someone told Erin to go kill some people because he was busy, so she did. She had three minutes and got them all killed in about half that time. Some informant guy told her to get close to some guy by blending in with a group of scholars. Erin is now climbing roofs and stabbing people in the neck. I don’t know what this has to do with “blending in with a group of scholars.” Someone is crying out for help, but Erin has ignored him and is climbing a wall. She just killed another guy for no apparent reason. Erin just threw a knife at a guy, but I don’t know why. She is really violent and I’m questioning my judgement....